Let's Unite America In A Single Cause

http://myturnday.com/home/

I listen to Kidd Kraddick In The Morning almost everyday. This morning a particular segment caught my attention. While driving to school, I heard Kidd discussing "My Turn Day"-a day to unite America in a single cause. I was raised in a family where giving and volunteering is just the right thing to do. It was not something that we expected a thank you for or any kind of accolades. "My Turn Day" will allow everyone to get together for a single cause while encouraging others to do the same. I plan to participate on February 10th, but since I'm such an impatient runt, I plan to get started now.

Today I sent supplies to a student in need. Now its your turn...

http://myturnday.com/home/

Butterflies and Dreams

Have you ever loved someone so much that you have a permanent smile on your face and in your heart?

I've never felt this way about anyone. I am now walking in uncharted territory. He makes me smile without saying a word. He gives me butterflies....

The pharmacy was complete and total chaos today. I'm really starting to rethink my decision to stay at my current location. Everyone there knows that I am a nursing student, but one person definitely lets me know his disdain for nurses. He constantly tells me that nurses are only good for one thing...and it definitely isn't related to healthcare. I am proud to say that I am a great nursing student, and plan to become a great nurse. When did nurses get such a bad rep??

*SHOUTOUT* to my new follower "mynaturalwrite"! Thanks for following! Enjoy the ride!

Car Vs. Garbage Can

It's an absolute travesty! My wonderful, beautiful car was injured during an altercation with a trash can in an event instigated by a speeding vehicle. I'm still kinda shaken up from the entire scene.

I was driving up a hill and another vehicle was coming down the same hill way too fast. I quickly darted toward the right to miss the maniac only to realize that I was way too close to a trash can...but it was too late. My side mirror was killed on the scene, shattered into a million pieces. {insert tears here}

I'm so mad that the other vehicle didn't even stop to see if I was okay. I mean after all, it was their fault. I'm saddened now, realizing that I have to spend the money I put aside for beautiful Palin glasses on a new mirror-plus the cost to fix it. Oh what a day!!

*SHOUT OUT* to my first follower EVER here on Blogger-Socasassy! Thanks so much for following! Welcome to the show!

The Perfect T-Shirt

While talking with some friends about relationships, one of the guys offered some words of wisdom when it comes to finding the right mate.

Relationships are like shopping. You walk into a store and you have several t-shirts to pick from. Finding the perfect mate is like finding the perfect t-shirt.
You have some shirts that are really tight, some may call them tiny t's. Now this t-shirt represents the clingy mate. The one who wants to spend every waking moment with their mate.
Then you have the baggy t's. These t-shirts are like the mates who don't have to see each other often to be happy. They are content just talking on the phone and seeing each other occasionally.
The last category is the everyday t, some refer to this as the perfect t. This shirt is just the right fit, every thing about it is awesome and everytime you put it on you realize just how blessed you are to have it. Comfort, protection, warmth.

It was refreshing to hear a guy speak this way about relationships. Just when I thought all hope was gone, buried at the bottom of a display table I found my perfect t...

When he holds me in his arms at night, I feel comfortable, protected and warm...It's a perfect fit!

I Get Out

I'm not perfect,
never claimed to be
just wish to be
the best example of imperfection
for the world to see.

I don't really know where to begin. Life doesn't always have a "happily ever after", but I'm loving that right now. I guess I have Karma to thank. After my name has been dragged through the trenches, sullied with mud and muck, I now sit and watch you go through the same thing. I'm not happy for your misfortune; however, I am happy that I was able to clean up the mess that was my life. I can now stand tall knowing that I have survived obstacle that you could throw my way. If I can make it through that, then I can make it through anything.

Victori...
No other name could explain my life at this moment. I had to rebel to get to where I am now. Unable to conform to your vision of perfection. Not willing to sacrifice everything I had to please you. But now you must sit and watch me from those same trenches I cried in...the same trenches that almost took my life.

Freedom...
I am free from your bondage. I can't be victimized anymore. I chose life. I chose happiness. I had to change in order to grow. You wanted me to fail. You needed me to stay trapped in your box, unable to move. Keeping me from the truth, feeding me lies. I was starving for knowledge, for information, for acceptance. I was there, in those same trenches down there. Sitting in that same mess...

What makes me different you ask...
I'm strong enough to help you get out. Instead of watching you struggle to crawl out of the ditch in the rain, I there with a ladder aiding you in your time of need. Despite the things you did to me, I can't watch you suffer anymore.

I Gotta Find Peace Of Mind

The last 8 months have been a blur...
Images all mixed together like an overexposed photo.

Overexposure...
I keep putting myself out there because I don't want to give up. "Keep hope alive" as they say.

Infatuation...
More than a crush. Less than lust. Wanting to be in your presence. Needing to feel comfort found only with you. Missing your laugh, your look, missing you.

Lost...
The only way to describe my life right now. Knowing that I don't need you, but unable to stop thinking about the possibilities.

Inspired...
Unable to write a song without thinking of your awesomeness. You are more than a friend, you are my muse. Lyrics all revolving around your excellence.

Confused...
Needing to get my head on straight. Wondering if I should continue to pursue the unattainable or give up like I have many times before.

I Gotta Find Peace Of Mind...

Nervous Laughter and Political Buffoonery

Have you ever been really nervous about something, but didn't know what it was??

I've been deathly ill the past few days and the only thing I can blame it on is nerves. Life is complete right now, except for him of course. I don't have any major moves planned so I shouldn't be nervous about anything. I should be happy, because, for once I am able to exhale. I can smile. I can laugh.

However; every time I try to laugh, it comes out as nervousness. A quiver followed by a chill. It always ends with a glance to see who's watching.

What is going on?

Aside from unexplained nervousness, I am faced with the dilemma of staying neutral in this huge political warfare being waged all around me. I am an African American with West Indian roots. That does not mean I have to go around declaring that my president is of a certain ethnic background. I am embarrassed to say the least. Yes, the past 43 presidents were Caucasian, but you didn't see Caucasians going around making songs about having a white president. I don't understand why some people chose to behave in such a way. I am glad that this election marked an historic moment for people actually voting. But I am not going to subject myself to the buffoonery of dancing around to some rap song about my president's ethnic background. Period.

On Motherhood

holding her belly after praying to the porcelain god again
realizing that this life inside of her is causing so much pain
misery in her life, trapped in a cage
"she's not married, she can't do it alone"
hearing more negative than positive
starting to believe the voices
seeing her body changing because of the life she's carrying
knowing that (s)he didn't ask for this situation
a mother unsure of herself
what she lacks in self confidence is found in her passion
passionate about the love that was made that caused this child to be
she looks in the mirror at the image of another statistic
"young college dropout gives birth to first child"
not wanting to read that article again
she contemplates ending this misery
ridding herself of the pain and agony by causing more pain and agony
how could that possibly make sense
that could not be the solution
she holds her belly realizing her mistake
a moment of lust led to this day
looking at the positive pregnancy test
thinking back to the days of years past
all the times she made the right choice
did the right thing, lived the right life
she believed the sickness was her body's way of rejecting this child
after all, they say one should follow their gut instinct
she holds her belly, thinking of her own life
was she strong enough, could she do it...

Why Does It Hurt So Bad???

I can't stop thinking about you.

You are all that I want. I thought I was over you. I keep crying when I really don't love you. But why does it hurt so bad???

When ever I have a moment to just sit still and listen to the sound of emptiness and nothingness, all I can think about is you. I miss what we didn't have. You made me laugh. You made me cry. You kept me at peace. You put me through a lot of mess, unneeded stress, mixed emotions. But for some reason you are the person I want to be with.

As simple as a forehead kiss....that is all I wanted from you. I never wanted you to be someone you weren't. I appreciated you for who you were. I still do. I just wanted a simple hug, a simple smile, a simple life with you.

What I was looking for wasn't impossible. I saw through every thing and realized that you were amazing. The epitome of perfection. I spent time thinking that there was something wrong with me, but there wasn't. My only problem was being to open...to honest...to forward with you.

If my straightforwardness is a problem, then so be it. What we could have had would have been amazing, nothing short of pure bliss. Even though I've drowned my sorrows in drink after drink after drink, you are on my mind even more. And when I sober up the next day, I still can't stop thinking about you.

Why does it hurt so bad? Why do I feel so sad. I thought I was over you, but I keep crying when I don't love you.

I gotta get you out of my head...

Floetry- Fantasize

This is how he makes me feel...

funny?

its funny how my business is now yours to tell the world.
funny how i can't have a bad day but you can come in being rude to everyone and its okay.
its funny when i don't talk to you and automatically i have an attitude
yet you can not speak to anyone for days and its perfectly fine.
funny how i show up everyday, doing the work of two technicians
but another technician doesn't work at all but i'm the one with the problem
its funny when i stop discussing my personal life at work and you assume something must be wrong
funny how i decided to smile and continue to do my job despite your effort to piss me off.

funny? are you laughing?

Love Found

I am forced to suppress the love I feel inside. He is the epitome of perfection, a prized possession. I have loved him from the first moment I laid eyes on him. I love everything about him from every hair follicle to the skins cells on the bottom of his feet.

I walk around pretending that I am looking for "Mr. Right", when I know that title belongs to him. My status is "single" when I know my heart belongs to him.

I wonder if he knows...

A Lie Don't Care Who Tells It

Why is it so hard to tell the truth??

I am surrounded by coworkers and managers who want to spread rumors, tell lies, and start drama. Sad thing is, we're all supposed to be adults.

My manager and technician told bold faced, underlined, printed in all caps lies to me today. When I confronted them about said lies, they just continued to lie until it became a huge snowball of a lie. I'm done with this insanity. From now on, I am not speaking to any of them outside of work. I will continue to deal with them in a purely professional manner-from a distance.

It baffles me how people can live with themselves and lie daily.

Perfect Mother?

I don't have any children so I don't claim to know anything about parenting; however, I think I know weird parenting when I see it.

I went to Publix to purchase groceries for tonight's dinner. Baked Penne Parmesan with Garlic Toast and Rice Krispie Treats for dessert since you were curious.

There was a nice lady in line behind me purchasing baby formula, a baby bottle and a bottle of water. We started discussing how expensive it is to have a child nowadays and how we felt bad for being spoiled brats as kids. Her advice to me-"Wait as long as you can before you have a child. It is so expensive.". I thanked her for the wonderful advice. As I was placing my bags into my cart she began to tell the cashier how upset her husband would be if he found out that she was giving the baby a bottle that had not been sterilized or even cleaned for that matter. I turned around and she was placing the powder formula into the bottle-which came directly off the shelf-and began pouring water into the bottle. I was in shock. I bid farewell to my new friends with a puzzled look on my face.

I step outside and directly in front of me in the fire lane is a BMW SUV with the motor idling. I peered inside while walking by and what did I see? A little baby in a car seat and no adult in sight. I began to put the pieces together in my head and realized that little Mrs.great-advice-dirty-bottle-giver was also Mrs.leave-my-infant-in-the-car-unattended-with-the-motor-running-in-the-fire-lane. {that was a mouthful}

I wondered if that was the wisest decision to make...what if instead of kind Victori walking by, it was the cops, or heaven forbid, a social worker from Family and Children's Services?

Should I take her advice?

Beating The Clock

Walking down the halls, hearing the sounds coming from the different rooms, surrounded by education, people eager to learn.

Advanced Calculus in room 216B, Intro to Biology in room 214C.

Occasionally I glance into a room through a somewhat open door and can only see faces. People of all different ages, races, ethnic backgrounds, males and females, some smiles, some frowns, some with a completely dazed and confused look on their face.

How do you describe a student? Is it a person who is young and happy? Old and depressed? Middle-aged and confused? Where do I fit in?

I am 25 years young. I've been in college since I was old enough to vote. My one claim to fame is the single PoliSci degree propped on a bookshelf -serving as a unique background to my favorite gingerbread candle.

While waiting for class to begin, I stop to take inventory of the faces in the room...no two people are at the same point in their lives. There's the 18 year-old 2nd semester freshman, 30 year-old LPN seeking to advance her career by obtaining an RN degree, the 45 year-old mother of 3 seeking a first time degree...and then there's the 25 year-old certified pharmacy technician/professional student---ME. And there is nothing wrong with that.

My circle of friends includes some Master's degrees, a few PhD's, a sprinkle of PharmD's, and the rest are equally split between Bachelor's degrees and no degrees at all. It took me a while to accept the fact that I am a professional student. For the longest time I felt like a failure; like there was an invisible clock ticking...ticking to an inevitable countdown that stopped exactly four years after entering college. I always felt inadequate. But looking around this classroom, I feel at home. I feel secure. The clock keeps ticking; however, I am under no pressure to finish by a certain deadline.

Sucess is not determined by how quickly you finish the marathon....sucess is finishing.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Today was supposed to be an awesome day at work. It was the last day the 3 amigas would work together since Cheryl is transferring to another state. I was happy to enjoy a day of pharmacy love.

Love was not there at all.

I'm a young supervisor; twenty-five to be exact. I have the pleasure of supervising people from every age group. I am okay with that. The problem that I have is disrespect. Common sense tells you not to smart off to your manager. But I obviously work with individuals who lack common sense. I refuse to be disrespected. When I decided to exercise my authority, I am faced with young technicians who want to give me hell for doing so. Maybe it was wrong to hang out with them outside of work...probably gave the impression that we're equals. News Flash: we aren't!

Tomorrow my staff will be introduced to a new Victori...they will respect me!

Divorcing Lust to Marry Love

i'm divorcing lust to marry love
leaving the superficial
seeking depth in this ocean
because this relation ship is in shallow waters
bodies intertwined in sand
can you call it love making
if no love is involved?
lets call it what it really is
lust making
this union was not brought together by God
therefore easily torn asunder
rings are made of precious metals and stones
signifying eternity
rings were not given at this ceremony
although the shape was similar
the material was disposable
waste
no anniversaries were celebrated
night after night
giving of myself
to receive nothing in return
lust making kept me satisfied
but i still felt empty
how could i celebrate an anniversary?
i didn't want to count the days
weeks, months,
years that i was stuck in this empty pit
my marriage to lust must come to an end
i'm looking for love
not on myspace
but someone to share my space
i'll be free to love
i want to hold love's hand
feel his love
i want to look into his face
see his love
i want to cuddle in his warm embrace
touch his love
lust was nothing
how can you get something from nothing?
its a mathematical impossibility
seeking completion from a fragment
seeking confirmation from a guess
unable to calculate his next move
would he move on to another?
what was keeping lust with me?
i'm divorcing lust to marry love
leaving the unstable
for stability
leaving the war
for peace of mind
leaving the shallow waters
to sail my relation ship in the ocean

Untitled-1

impossible to get over you
reminded of you by everything i see
the sun reminds me of your smile
the moon takes me back to our first date
walking along the river dreaming like lovers do
your eyes are like the ocean-
perfect shade of blue
seeing the effect fall has on the leaves
makes me think of the change you brought about in me
colorful, positive and beautiful
standing in the rain
like that hot august night
feeling the raindrops against my skin
your arms enveloping me
enjoying a first kiss that can never be replaced
feeling your body close to mine
{i exhale}
love
dreaming of you
waking up to see you're not there
walking past "our" spot
missing you more
hearing your favorite song
leads me to feel regret
regretting that i ruined
what could possibly be the best thing
that ever happened to me
your hand on my face
looking deeply into my eyes
saying goodbye with a forehead kiss
so simple
so sweet
our hands release
this is goodbye,
but is it the end?

FANTASIZE

laying in a field
looking at the pink blue skies
he stops to fantasize
about my eyes
the love we made
he starts to rise
love in his eyes
feeling all lows and highs
unwillingly my body complies
oooh the tears i cried
between us all truths
absolutely no lies
love felt love realized
life... romanticized
only sounds heard
are my content sighs
and his echoed replies
now i'm breathing
and he's breathing
and i'm immobilized
by the passion felt between my thighs
now i realize
as the temperatures rise
this lovemaking
words can not describe.
the elation i feel
i can not disguise
now in the end
we must compromise
"ahhh baby wait" he says
as if to chastise
this love will soon
see its demise
so a plan i devise
to keep this moment alive
but when i open my eyes
i realize
that the entire night
was fantasized.